sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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