ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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