Don't you send me to vm
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize