Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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