Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
