I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
