Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
