Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
