Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
