Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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