The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
