Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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