remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I wish i was in the wii world.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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