you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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