Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Girls should come with a carfax report
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Even my vagina gasped.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
