You're so nebulous sometimes
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
