No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
we made out on top of his cat.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
