i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You're a waste of cheezeits
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
