butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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