You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
