god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
