His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
