Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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