hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize