i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize