i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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