I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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