I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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