I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
That reminds me...we need to get swords
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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