how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
