youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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