I just made out with a guy for $7.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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