You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
