I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You made out with two different species that night
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
