Umm I'm too high to move.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
