Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
