I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
