I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
They have beer where we have blood.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize