It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
