New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
