Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
