I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
