Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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