I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize