Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just forgot I was standing up.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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