I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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