wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
