just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
