No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
