I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
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