i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
