A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
