Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
