in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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