Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
