She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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