i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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