So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
