he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
