i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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