tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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