you guys were way drunker than both of me
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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