You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
