Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
