Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
