Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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