I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Randomize
