im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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