Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
