so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
