And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He better not be in your backpack
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
