I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
