Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
