all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
