i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
