im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
