I hope mine doesn't look like that
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
