My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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