it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
