I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
