the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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