You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
