Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
