Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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