it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize