it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
