i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
