I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We left an ass print on the piano.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
