Girls should come with a carfax report
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
