Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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