just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Actions speak louder than pants.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize