i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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