Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
only if we run a train.
done.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
