is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
is wine microwaveable?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
