I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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