So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize