We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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