You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
bring money and cleavage
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
