it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
