My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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