Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
