just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
