Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
