Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize