Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
